


Breathe Into Me

by shelovestoship



Series: Breathe Into Me [1]
Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Little bit of angst, added more fluff, but don't worry, it's just a dream, it's just a fluff fest at this point, maybe a bit ooc, okay maybe a fair amount, okay so there is quite a bit of fluffyness, there is a last chapter that is all angst, this is mostly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelovestoship/pseuds/shelovestoship
Summary: Magnum is about to ask Higgins one very important question.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Series: Breathe Into Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598671
Comments: 37
Kudos: 144





	1. A Sure Thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I be working on Cover Story or my Holiday fic? Yes. Is that what's happening? No.
> 
> You will be glad to know this fic is only 2 (3) chapters and they're kind of done. So it's short and sweet with a little bit of angst!

“You sure about this man?” Rick asked, putting beers down in front of them. They were at La Marianna, which hadn't opened for the day so it was empty except for Magnum and the guys.

“Course I’m sure,” Magnum said, fiddling with the little velvet box. “Why would you ask that?”

“No reason. Just last time you were going to ask-”

“Higgy isn’t Hannah,” TC chimed in. “It’s gonna be great. Let’s see it.”

“Yeah,” Shammy agreed somewhat somberly.

“Woah, TM, what did you do, rob a bank?” Rick asked as TC checked out the ring. 

“It’s not that big,” he protested because he had deliberately looked for something that would fit Juliet. And while she was stunning, she wasn’t flashy.

“But there are three of them,” Rick pointed out. ”And it’s got a twist-y ring. I bet that was extra.”

“You do know diamonds have terrible resale value, right?” Shammy offered.

He gave Shammy a look as he took the box back.

“What?” the guy said, holding his hands up. “I’m just saying.”

“It’ll look good on her,” TC decided and Magnum was glad at least someone was approving.

“She gotta say yes before that. Think she will?” Rick asked, grinning, apparently not quite ready to get with the program. 

“Don’t be stupid.” TC gave Rick a look. “Girl will kill and die for him. Course she’ll say yes.”

“He’s not asking for that though,” Rick said smugly, taking a swing of beer. “He’s asking her to _marry him_. Whole different thing.”

“Very different,” Shammy agreed and the two clinked bottles.

“Rick got a point,” TC teased. 

“She’s gonna say yes,” Magnum told his friend, but secretly he felt a twinge of worry. It hadn’t been that long since they got together. Maybe he should wait. Just a little, he decided, tucking the box away. Because just because he was sure, didn't mean she was. 

“And if not you can beg until you wear her down like you did with her becoming your partner-”

“And to get her to go out with you-”

“And to move into the guest house-”

“I did not beg,” Magnum protested but smiled. ”And she was the one that said it was logical for her to move her things into the guest house since she was spending most of her time there.”

“Only after you asked her to move in.”

“Three times,” Shammy added.

Magnum shook his head. “You guys are making it sound different than it was.”

His friends shared a smiled. 

”Right,” Shammy said.

“Mmmhmm,” TC said.

“Totally,” Rick chimed in.

“You know what,” he said, after taking a swing of beer. “Keep going like this and I’ll ask Gordon to be my best man.”

“You wouldn’t-”

“It’s obvious I that get to”

“You? You make terrible speeches-”

“Unlike you, what about-”

Magnum’s phone rang – Juliet – as the two continued to argue. He slid out of the booth as he answered.

“Hi,” she said and he could hear other voices in the background. Which kinda made sense because she’d said she was going to yoga...except was there talking during yoga?

“Could you see if Rick or TC could pick up my car? Drive it back to Robin’s Nest for me?”

“Sure,” he said but frowned. “Why aren’t you driving it?”

“I, um, got a ride. I’ll see you at home, okay?” she said and then she hung up. But just before he did, he heard something in the background that told him where she was.

_Code blue. Dr. Wester to room-_

Juliet was at the hospital.

Swallowing nervously he wondered if she was sick. She’d had an ear infection a few weeks back but she’d gotten antibiotics for that and was fine. Or had she been? He tried to think back if there was anything, any sighs he might have missed.

Probably it was nothing. Maybe she was just getting an annual check-up. But then she’d have told him. And she wouldn’t be in the emergency room which was where she had to be because the code blue he’d heard in the background was an ER shorthand for some going into cardiac arrest.

* * *

“It's hardly a big deal,” she said as she walked away from him, into the kitchen area.

“Hardly a big deal? Passing out and being taken to the hospital is not a big deal?” he said, suppressing sudden anger. How could she not have told him! Right away. Should have had him pick her up rather than take a stupid Uber.

“I’m not the first person who has passed out after ninety minutes of hot yoga,” she insisted, forcefully opening the cupboards. “Where are the blue glasses?”

“I think they’re in the left one-”

“The left? I thought we said that we would keep the glasses in the cupboard one above the sink.” She threw him an angry glare as she got them out. Like misplaced _glasses_ was just as important as her acting like passing out wasn’t a big deal.

“Look, next time, you call me okay?” he said.

“You were having some time with the guys. I didn’t want to interrupt-”

“You wouldn’t have been interr-”

“Just- I’m fine.” She stormed past him, glasses in hand.

He resisted the urge to grab her. To shake her or hug her or just to make her standstill. She was so frustrating when she got like this; when she wouldn’t talk to him. When she’d get upset about things she normally didn’t care about. Which despite her A-type personality, normally wasn’t how bad he was at putting things back in their right place.

Then he realized when she did avoid him or acted all upset, it was mostly because she was feeling something she didn’t like feeling.

Meaning the more she argued it wasn’t a big deal, the less she wanted to focus on it, the bigger of a deal it was. He just wasn’t sure how to talk to her about it. How to approach it, how to help her.

“I’m not hungry,” she said as soon as the glasses were on the table, probably realizing sitting down to eat with him would mean having to talk. 

“Okay,” he said, not sitting down either. “We can eat later. Will you tell me what happened?”

“I was at yoga, I passed out and they called the ambulance,” she bit out not looking at him. “End of story.” 

Even though he knew it wasn’t about him, he couldn’t help but snap, “Come on, Juliet, I’m allowed to be worried about you.”

“Well you don’t need to be. It’s never happened before and it won’t happen again.” She walked past him, still not having made eye contact. 

“So that’s it,” he said coming to a realization. “You never passed out before. Not for no reason. You’re always in control. So now you’re terrified because-”

“I’m not terrified,” she cried, turning around and stabbing her finger into his chest. “I said I’m fine.”

“Okay,” he said, putting his hand over hers and pulling her into his chest. She tensed for a long second then took a shuttering breath and let him hug her. “It’s okay.”

Magnum loved everything about Juliet Higgins from her brains to her beauty to the way she never let him get away with anything. (He also hated that last one, but somehow it could be both something he loved and hated about her). 

He knew she loved him too, even if he sometimes felt totally unworthy of that love. He knew, even though she’d only told him once - when she’d thought he was asleep - and would have known even if she never ever said the words right to his face. 

He knew because of moments like this. 

When she just let him be there for her. Let him hold her. When she just sort of almost melted into him and for a little while she let him be strong for her.

For a few brief seconds, he wondered if maybe this was the moment. The reason he’d been carrying the ring around for two weeks. But he dismissed the thought as fast as it had come.

Even if he felt touched by the trust she had in him, by how much she was letting him in, she was only in his arms because she’d had one hell of a day.

Not how he wanted her to remember the day leading up to him proposing to her. He wanted that day to be perfect.

“My mother would faint a lot,” she whispered suddenly, still pressed to his chest. “That was how it started.”

Her mother had had dementia.

“I checked, a few years ago,” she continued, still in his arms, face hidden. “Did all the tests. Everything was fine. I mean I didn’t have any of the mutations associated with dementia or Alzheimers but...that’s not a guarantee.”

“What did they say at the hospital today?” he asked stroking her back, as much to soothe her as himself. “About you fainting?”

“They said it was most likely low blood pressure.” She stepped back from him and brushed under her eyes, as if she was worried there were tears there. “But Thomas...I was unconscious for eleven minutes. That’s more than low blood pressure.”

“Did a doctor tell you that?” he asked, gently even as he felt his heart skip a beat. Eleven minutes? That was forever. What if something was wrong with her? Really wrong. The brain tumor, cancer or dementia, type of bad. "That it was something else?"

She shook her head _no_.

“Then maybe it _was_ just low blood pressure,” he said, deciding he was going to believe that. He had to believe it. Else he’d go crazy with worry. 

“They took some blood to be sure.” She swallowed and smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “They said it might be anemia, low blood iron.”

“So we should be having steak rather than thai take-out?” he asked, trying to make her smile real. 

“Magnum,” she said, his joke falling flat as she looked even more serious and turned her face away once more. “I never- I thought there would be more time. I-uh-wanted to- I realize I never told you I-”

“No.” This time he did grab her, putting his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look up at him. “No. You don’t get to say goodbye.”

She put a gentle hand on his cheek. “I wasn’t,” she said.

But he felt sure that was exactly what she’d been doing and it terrified him more than anything else she’d said tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna have TC be a bit more big brotherly about Higgy, a little you better not screw this up Thomas, but it didn't feel right. They are all just messing with Magnum and are basically all rooting for him and cheering him on the best way they can think of!


	2. Morning's Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is the ending too fluffy? Possibly. But is there really such a thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the Higgins account OoC?  
> I felt like maybe it was a little over the top but it was part of the original and I do like the idea of it so I decided to keep it in there.

She woke up for a few moments when Magnum got out of bed. He would often have nightmares that woke him up. Some of the times he’d pull her close after, others he’d leave. Go for a run in the dark. Bring her breakfast in bed. Even occasionally clean.

Today it was evidently one of the later. 

Once he was gone, her remaining hours of sleep were restless. She’d gotten so used to sleeping next to him.

She dreamt she was chasing a dog with twelve legs around Robin’s Nest. Not a pleasant dream but not a nightmare either.

She rarely had them anymore.

And when she did, they always came at four in the morning and when she woke up, she’d be shivering and ice cold. She had to get up and shower in piping hot water to wash the memories away. And then she could go back to sleep, curled up next to him.

* * *

Sometime later, still feeling a little tired she opened her eyes and enjoyed sun playing over the bedroom, through the blinds. The light in Hawaii could be so magical.

It made the bedroom she shared with Magnum almost seem like another world. Or maybe it was just her feelings that were making it so.

And she had so many of them.

A lot of the time, people seemed to think she didn’t feel. Ever since she’d been little, she’d been good at hiding what was going on inside. Because it had mattered very little to the adults in her life. But she had still felt the feelings she didn’t let show.

Being with Magnum was the most she’d ever expressed what was going on in her head (and heart). He didn't know that though. Didn't know how different he made her feel. Made her act.

She’d told him again, last night, as he slept, that she loved him. It was something she did, to start because she was too scared to say it when he was awake, and now...well now maybe it was just habit. 

Because, yesterday once she got home from the hospital she’d sat down in her study and searched for flights from Honolulu to London. She’d thought maybe just leaving without an explanation, without a reason, would hurt him enough, he’d let her go.

She’d never have to explain. Explain how she couldn’t let him go through what she had, taking care of someone you loved while they were slowly losing who they had been. How she wasn’t even going to let herself go through that. How that was her worst fear.

But she hadn’t been able to do it.

Because she loved him. Because he was part of her now. And betraying him would be like betraying herself. Saying the words or not didn't really change that.

Yawning and reaching over to check her phone, she stopped before even unlocking it. Because the time it showed was 9:03. That was over two hours later than she normally woke up. And she still felt tired.

Had to be the draining events of yesterday at the hospital and even her conversation afterward with Magnum. And the excruciating slow way he’d made love to her after, his eyes burning into her, shining with such emotion.

She could never leave. She couldn’t. Even if it might be the right thing to do. As long as there was some part of her that was still Juliet Higgins, she wanted to be close to Thomas Magnum.

In her hands the phone began vibrating, the caller ID identifying the person trying to reach her was from the hospital.

She held her breath as she answered the call, preparing for terrible news. 

* * *

“Hey,” she told Magnum when she came downstairs a little later.

The smile on her face, which had been plastered there for the past fifteen minutes, faltered a little, because he looked so lost as he stood looking out over the ocean.

“Want some breakfast?” she asked and went over to get some coffee, but found he hadn’t even turned on the machine. So she did and then went to stand next to him.

Touching his hand he twitched, apparently unaware she’d even been in the room.

“I asked-” but before she could finish, he pulled her to him, kissing her like he hadn’t seen her in a week. She let herself get a little lost in the intensity of it.

“ _Well_ , good morning,” she said when they pulled apart, feeling the smile she’d almost lost, return.

Only he didn’t look very happy as he ran his thumb down her cheek and just stared at her for a long few moments. Then he seemed to relax, letting out a long breath.

“Coffee?” she asked as she led him inside.

“Yes,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

He must have been awake for hours. And she’d slept the day away. At least she had a good excuse now. 

“You know, talking about things can be very helpful,” she suggested as she started to fix breakfast. “Or so I’ve heard.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She put plates out. “You had a bad dream. Was it about the POW camp?”

“No.”

She gave him a look. He wasn’t looking pensive and lost anymore but he wasn’t exactly in a sharing mode either, clearly.

“Afghanistan?”

“No.”

Maybe best to change the subject. And she had just the thing...

“Well alright then,” she said slowly after putting the toast in the toaster. “So when I was-”

“Do you remember Mittens the cat?” he asked abruptly, sitting down.

“Sure,” she said and sat down across from him. “How could I forget Mittens the cat. That was the case that made you famous as the islands preeminent pet detective.”

“The kid, she paid me 50 cents for two days work. She was adorable.” Higgins had heard the story back then. Rick and TC and been ribbing him for it. To her it had been one of the things that made her worry he was too good to be true. Only, he really was _that_ good. “That night I opened a savings account and called it _Higgins_. I put one quarter in there, as a joke. It was your cut.”

Eyebrow raised she couldn’t help but to say, “Okay?”

“Yeah, um.” He shrugged still so very serious. The toast popped up. Neither one of them moved to get it. “Since then I put a little bit of money in that account every case I-we, worked.”

“Magnum, if this is about the fact that you took that pro bono case for Mrs. Normand last week? I said it was fine. Even though you have to admit that she was very inappropriate with you.”

“I looked just like her late husband!” he said, suddenly sound a bit more like himself.

“You did not,” she pointed out, remembering the old lady hitting on him with a sort of mixed horror and humor. “He was bald and looked like a troll.”

“I think that might have been a compliment somewhere in there,” he said.

“Saying you’re not as ugly as a troll hardly counts,” she replied and thought about how great his eyelashes were. She wondered if luscious eyelashes were a dominant or recessive gene.

Then wanting something to distract herself with, she reached for the toast and began buttering it.

“Anyways,” he said, licking his lips quickly. “When you set up the corporate bank stuff I just kept on putting money in my private Higgins account. It kind of added up.”

“You have an actual savings account?” She stared at him, shocked. She’d never known Magnum to have more than 50 dollars in his name and now he had a dedicated saving account? Even these days when they had far more money in their business account (thanks to her bookkeeping), he was always low on cash.

Petrol for the Ferrari and the outrageous tips he was prone to leave, had been the only real causes she’d been able to attribute his constant lack of funds. But clearly, this strange Higgins savings account he'd been transferring money into, was a factor too.

“Don’t worry.” He smiled and pulled something out of his pocket. “I didn’t spent it all in one place.”

“Magnum,” she said as he put the little velvet box in the space between their plates. “Wait, I have tell you! The hospital called-”

“I don’t care,” he said, apparently not able to wait for her to do it, grabbing the little box and snapping it open. “I don’t care if you got low blood pressure, a brain tumor or some early-onset dementia thing, whatever it is we can-”

“Magnum,” she said, standing up, making the chair fall over. “I don’t-”

“You can’t say **no** before I even ask you,” he said jokingly as he too stood, even though his eyes were dead serious. “I mean I guess you could but I’d never let you live that down. Imagine Rick or TC bringing that up in one of the toasts at the wedding.”

“I’m not saying no. I’m just saying I want to-”

He came around to her side of the table. “So you’re saying yes?”

“Magnum, the hospital called earlier and-”

“Yes but-”

“I’m pregnant.”

The hand holding the ring box dropped limply to his side and he looked so baffled she almost laughed at him. “How?”

“You see Magnum when two people love each other very much-” she teased.

“Come on Higgins, I’m not five.” But the grin on his face kind of made him look about as old, his eyes were sparkling with mischievousness and happiness.

Then, he hugged her.

Or more like basically picked her up and spun her around. And the little scared corner in her brain she wasn’t even aware had been there, disappeared. He was happy. Of course, he was happy. Magnum loved kids. Of course, he’d be happy. Even if it was so very unplanned, this was an amazing, wonderful thing.

“Yes,” she whispered as he let go of her.

“Yes, you’ll marry me?”

She nodded. “After some consideration and weighing of the pros and cons, I’ve decided to accept your proposal.”

He gave her a scrutinizing look. “I asked you one minute ago, you cannot have had time to weigh the pros and cons.”

“Please,” she said and managed to roll her eyes. “Like I didn’t know you were going to propose. It’s been painfully obvious for weeks.” It had not, but she'd never let him know that.

“No it hasn't,” he said. “Admit it. You had no idea. You fell out of your chair.”

“I flipped it over. There is a difference.” 

He looked about to argue but instead just raised the hand with box up, to get the ring.

Only there was no ring.

“No,” they both said, staring at the empty box.

“It just fell out, it’s fine,” he said, bending down. “I’ll find it.”

“ _We’ll_ find it,” she said but he stopped her from leaning down to scan the kitchen.

“You sure you should be bending over,” he asked, “Maybe you should sit down while I find it.”

She gave him a look she hoped conveyed just how much she disliked this train of thought. “I’m pregnant Magnum, not an invalid.”

“I see it,” he said, his eye having caught on something on the floor. Something that glittered. He reached down and picked up the ring and then got the chair she’d flipped, righted. “Sit.”

“I’m not a dog,” she said and considered refusing. But then she sat. Because she knew where he was going with this. “And I already said yes.”

“I want to ask,” he said and even though she opened her mouth to say something, she couldn’t. Because he was kneeling and suddenly she was tearing up. And whatever he was gonna say, he hadn’t even started saying it yet! She was so gonna blame this on pregnancy hormones. “Juliet Higgins, you are the most confusing part of my life. You are also the most sane. The thing that scares me and soothes me. And for me, no matter where we are or what we are doing, you are the most interesting thing about it. You’re the person I _can’t_ do this without. More important, you are the person I don’t _want_ to do this without. Marry me?”

“Yes,” she managed between sniffles as she held her hand out for him and he slid the sparkling band onto her ring finger.

“Don’t cry,” he said, wiping her tears as he stood.

“I love you,” she managed to blurt out. “I never said it but I-”

"I know," he said and kissed her. And as she let herself lean into him, she was suddenly sure that was the truth. He’d known she loved him all along. That made her realized, she too, had known he loved her long before he actually said the words.

"I can't believe it," he said, hugging her to him.

"I'm rather surprised too," she admitted, even though during her phone call the doctor upon hearing she was on the pill had asked if she'd been sick or missed a dose or taken antibiotics, she'd been forced to answer yes to all of the above, maybe she shouldn't have been. "A baby."

"What? Oh, that too," he said sheepishly.

Narrowing her eyes at him she asked, "What did you mean?"

"You accepting the first time I asked." He grinned as he laced their fingers together."I figured I would have to ask at least five times before you said yes."

.

.

.

**End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a different ending bit but it was a little too mushy (yes, more than this) and I decided some banter felt more in character for Miggy! 
> 
> Side note: I’ve taken a bit of artistic license with the medical aspects. Higgins would very unlikely have gotten “terrible news” over the phone nor would probably a blood test reveal anything being wrong (like dementia or cancer) without further symptoms and testing. The blood test revealing she was pregnant would most likely have been run while she was a the hospital and she’d have been told. But that wouldn’t have worked for the story so...
> 
> Also “normally” passing out from low blood pressure you’d only be out for like a minute. But during pregnancy, if you have low blood pressure (+ low blood sugar) and you’re dehydrated you can stay unconscious. In fact it did happened to my friend when she got pregnant during the "heath wave summer" we had 2018. She was sure she was gonna die or something for like two hours until her blood work came back!
> 
> There might be epilogue sort of thing too - if anyone is interested in that?


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a fluff-y little fun epilogue-ish thing. More like little snippets of Miggy HEA good feels.  
> (also urrgg, I had to re-write half of it because I was stupid enough to write it in the editor here and then not copy-past-save it somewhere else and Ao3 re-loading the page stole it. soo urg).

* * *

**Epilogue**

* * *

"Magnum," she said, stopping and putting a hand on her stomach. "I'm not sure I'm ready for them to know yet. I know that may appear selfish but...could we wait to tell them? Just a little."

"Sure," he agreed because he figured there would be enough arguing about who got to be the best man. No need to have a "who gets to be the godfather fight" too.

  
"No way," Rick said as they walked into La Marianna and he spotted Juliet's ring. 

"Pay up!" TC grinned while Rick looked bummed out.

"Were you betting on me proposing?" Magnum asked as he and Juliet sat down at the bar, confused how that bet would work since they both knew he had the ring.

TC waved his hand at the suggestion. "No. We were betting how long it would take her to accept!" 

"And you won?" Juliet asked TC, wrinkling her nose adorably. "You thought I would say yes right away? I'm not sure I should be flattered or offended."

"Here you are," Rick said, putting two beers in front of them. "Even though you just lost me 20 bucks, I'm still going to give you free-friend of the owner beers. As many as you'd like for the rest of the day."

He and Higgy both stared at the beer bottles. Then he had a brilliant idea.

"Damn," he said, glancing at her. "Guess we should have waited to make that bet huh?"

"Wha- yes, the bet," she said, catching on he was up to something even if she wasn't sure what.

He hung an arm around her shoulders. "Higgy and I made bet on who can stay away from unhealthy stuff the longest."

"And beer is included in this list of unhealthy things?" Rick asked, seeming unsure. As if that just was beyond the scope of his understanding.

"Yes," she said, catching on and giving Magnum a playful smirk. "So is steak, fried foods and ice cream."

Ouch. So much for a brilliant idea. He really walked into that one.

"That doesn't sound like a fun bet," TC chipped in. "And one you're bound to lose MT."

"We'll see," he told them.

* * *

"I didn't lose the bet," she told him as she scooped a spoonful of Ben & Jerries - Strawberry Cheesecake flavor -into her mouth. Straight from the cartoon. While lying in bed. How the mighty have fallen. "Because there was no bet. We only said there was."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," he told her, as he slid the sheet off her nude upper body. 

"You know she can't hear you," she said as she scooted up on her elbows, seeming to have lost interest in the ice cream. "She's only the size of a blueberry. She won't be able to hear anything for another eleven to fourteen weeks."

"A blueberry huh?" he said, looking at the spot where imagined their blueberry sized miracle was located. "And I bet you can hear me," he said to the spot before glancing up at her face. "I bet you're an overachiever like your mother Little Blue Berry. Now, I'm going to tell you about the bad guy we caught today, you see he was..." 

She shook her head at him, clearly thinking him kind of foolish. Maybe he was, but he couldn't help it.

* * *

"So we have news," Magnum told their friends. They'd gotten them all together so this would just be a one-time announcement and so no one would feel left out.

"Finally," Rick said. "You're having a baby, congratulations."

"Wait?" Higgins stood. "You knew?"

"Girl, you've been eating breakfast every day for three months. I've never seen you eat breakfast two days in a row before," Kumu said with a smile. "I'm so happy for you."

"Yeah, and a health bet? Please, we saw right through that," Rick scoffed.

"And you've turned down like three cases, all dangerous but well-paying ones you would have jumped at normally," TC added as he and Rick fist-bumped. "It really was quite obvious."

"I had no idea," Shammy said honestly. "Congrats though." 

"Better not screw this up Magnum," Gordon said as he gave Magnum a hug.

"Wow, this is amazing," Jin said. No one was quite sure how Jin had known about this 'announcement' as he hadn't been invited but no one had had the heart to throw him out. "Good thing I still got my sister's Gucci necklace, it'll make a perfect gift-"

"Jin!"

* * *

"Do you want to know if it's a boy or girl?" the technician asked.

"Yes," she said at the same time as he said, "No."

"Why would you not want to know?" she asked as she stomped on the gas. Because he'd let her drive. It had felt like it made sense when he offered but now he wasn't so sure.

"Why would you want to? What about the surprise?" 

She almost growled. "I want to know."

"Why? You said you wanted to paint just paint Blue's room yellow. Neutral. I thought we were on the same page on this."

"Well, we're not," she said and pulled the car to an abrupt stop at a shifting light. She turned to him, something shimmering in her eyes. "I can't explain why, but I want to know. It's important."

He opened his mouth to debate further but then didn't. Because this wasn't arguing for arguing's sake. This was something she felt strongly enough to tell him she actually wanted. Something she was working on getting better at. "Okay." 

* * *

She woke him up by pressing an ice-cold hand to his chest, whispering his name.

He’d experienced this before. Not the, her waking him up part, but the nightmares that left her freezing cold. He’d asked about them too. But she’d said she didn’t remember what they were about. He believed her. That didn’t make them any less terrifying.

Before she'd scrambled away from him almost seeming to want anything else but to be touched. But tonight she pressed her cold body against his. He held her close to him, trying to warm her up as best he could.

“Take it easy,” he asked as he felt her press her face against his neck, almost nuzzling him. Her breath came in short gasps against his skin. It hardly seemed the best way to get more air into her lungs yet she kept doing it. So he had to ask, "What are you doing?"

At first, he thought she wasn't going to answer but then she did. “I'm just....just breathing you in.”

* * *

“I don’t see why you think we should move,” she said, hand on her adorable barely-there baby-bump. “The guest house as two bedrooms, more than adequate space for us and a baby Magnum.”

“I thought you’d be happy I’m ready for a mortgage, car payments for a minivan and all that,” he replied, still remembering some of the Peter Pan comments she’d made years ago.

She looked horrified enough he had to grin. “We are not getting a minivan.”

“So, you think we should stay in the guest house and keep driving the Ferrari?” he asked as they pulled up to the gate.

“I don’t think Ferraris are compatible with baby seats. But there is a yellow sports edition with a roomy backseat and a boot big enough for a pram, in Robin’s garage. And there is the black SUV.”

“Actually they make a baby car seat especially for Ferrari now.”

“How would you know that?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You researched it! You want to keep driving the Ferrari! What about the minivan?”

“Well, I’m not sure a minivan is my style.”

“I don’t know,” she said as he parked the car. “I think you’d look quite fetching driving a minivan.”

* * *

“What about Darla?” Rick suggested as they walked down towards the beach. “I knew a girl named Darla once. She was nice. And freakishly flexible.”

“We’re not naming our daughter after one of your ex-girlfriends,” Magnum protested and would have stopped if not for Juliet tugging at his hand to keep him walking.

“I didn’t exactly date her-”

“That doesn’t make it better,” Higgins pointed out lifting her long skirt so it wouldn't drag in the sand. 

“What about Lily? And Christine?” Kumu asked thoughtfully. “Is it still on the list? I really like Christine. ”

"It is," Juliet said. "Along with about a dozen other names. I'm not sure how anyone picks their baby's name."

“Can we just maybe focus on why we’re here?” Magnum asked as they headed for the spot he and Juliet had found and decided was perfect.

“I still think Gordina is nice,” Gordon added. “I mean I did become a registered officiate for you Magnum. It’s really the least you can do.”

“Can we talk names tomorrow? Or really any other day?” Magnum almost begged. Normally he was all for talking about Blue but today was the one day he wanted it to be more about him and Juliet than anything else.

“Don’t pout,” Juliet told him, taking his hand. “I do I think Gordon is right. Gordina is an adorable name.”

“We’re not calling her Gordina!” He gave Gordon a quick look. “Sorry Gordy.”

“You’re lucky I like you Magnum,” the detective said, walking ahead of them a little. 

“So does that mean you’ll still marry us?” Magnum called after him. 

“He better,” TC grumbled. “Helping Rick decorating La Marianna for you was a nightmare.”

* * *

“It’s strange,” she whispered as they watched the ocean from the guest house. 

“What is?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

“Life.”

He chuckled. “I guess.”

She turned in his arms, her belly just big enough to bump into him. “And this is certainly not how I thought mine would turn out.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” he asked with a frown, suddenly a little unsure.

Leaning her head against his chest she whispered. “I don’t know. Good. I just never imagined this.”

”Getting married on the beach and having your wedding reception at a Tiki bar?”

“No.” She paused. “Being this happy.”

* * *

“We can’t accept it,” Magnum told her.

“It’s a gift. Not even a gift for us.”

Magnum shook his head. “No way.”

“What’s the difference really? We already live here for free!”

“No, we work for Robin. That’s why we get to live here.” He crossed his arms. “We can’t just let him give us the guest house.”

“He’s not giving it to us-”

“Fine, we can’t just let him give it to Blue.”

She rolled her eyes and sat down on the sofa. “Why not? We both still work for him. It’s basically the same thing only this actually makes it so that if Robin decides to sell or something happens to him, we can still stay here.”

“I don’t like it.”

She sighed and he sat down next to her. “Didn’t you say you and your mom had to move a lot after your father died? Did you enjoy that?”

“No, but that’s different. It won’t happen to Blue,” he degreed as he put his hand on her stomach.

“You don’t know that.” She looked away. “We both live pretty dangerous lives, Thomas. Even though we’ve been staying away from the dangerous cases lately. What if something happens to you? Me?”

“It won’t,” he told her, because he wasn’t going to let anything happened to her. Ever. 

“You can’t guarantee that. No one can. If we accept Robin's very generous gift there will be one place she can always call home. One beautiful safe spot that will be hers. Always.” She put her hand over his. "I know things would have been different for me if I'd had that. I think they would have for you too. So let's make sure Blue has that."

“Fine. But we still work for Robin,” he said firmly. “Nothing changes. Not even when she's born.”

She gave him an amused look. "Actually, I think when that happens, everything changes."

* * *

She was right.

Everything did change.

And Magnum didn't mind one bit.

* * *

"You know, you can put her down," he said in a low voice as he sat down next to her on the sofa. 

"I know. I just can't stop looking at her," she whispered and he got that. Because she was the most beautiful baby in the world. Truly. Maybe all parents thought their baby was the most amazing gorgeous thing in the world, but they were wrong. Because that honor went to their daughter. No one, nothing else, could ever compare. 

"How about I hold her and you lay down and get some sleep?" he suggested because he wasn't sure she'd actually closed her eyes more than five minutes since they got home from the hospital yesterday.

"Okay," she agreed, sliding the baby over to him.

The baby opened her eyes as he held her to his chest but she didn't cry. She only looked up at him with her big eyes. "Hey there Little Blue."

"What if we name her that?” she asked suddenly. "Blue."

“I didn’t think you liked it,” he said, as the baby grabbed onto his thumb with her tiny little hand when he offered it to her. “You almost never used it.”

“I felt like it was your name for her." Turning and meeting her eyes he realized that was true. It hadn't been about Juliet not liking the nickname he'd started using so long ago. It had been about letting him have something, a special name, for their daughter. She focused her eyes back on the baby. "But now I think maybe it was just her name and you were just the first one that realized.”

“Hi,” he said to the baby, thinking maybe Juliet was right. Maybe their daughter had always been called Blue. She kept looking at him and moving her head, as if to nod, yes. _Yes, my name is blue_. He smiled. “Hi Blue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not they actually make baby car seats for Ferrari.  
> Also, I'm not 100% sure if Blue Magnum is actually a good name (sounds more like a description of Magnum - after getting dumped or after painting a room. Or maybe a strange fish dish or a poisonous flower) but I as soon as I wrote the blueberry bit I knew I had to use it for the baby.


	4. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Magnum's nightmare as well as an angsty little bit of Higgins telling Magnum she loves him while she thinks he's sleeping (if this is the time he's awake and hears her or not, is up to you to decide.)
> 
> The nightmare bit was gonna be this super depressing real ending but I couldn't do that to my babies and I decided to use it as Magnum's nightmare. But it no longer really fit in with the story (and it got way too long) so I wasn't sure what to do with it but thought you might want to read it since I wrote it and everything!

* * *

**4 months earlier / Deleted Scene / Outtake**

* * *

She woke up silently, even though she had been screaming in the dream. She didn’t move or make a sound, just lay there, feeling the nightmares icy tendrils leave as she drew in short shallow breaths. She could never remember what they were about, her nightmares but the results were always the same. She’d wake up drenched in ice-cold sweat almost unable to breathe. Tonight something must have been different though. Maybe she’d moved or made a sound because Magnum wasn’t asleep next to her like he normally were. He was awake.

She lay still even as her body screamed for the warmth and comfort of hot water, waiting for him to fall back asleep, so she could escape unnoticed. 

“Hey,” he said, her stillness apparently not enough to hide that her breaths came in too small gasps. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” she managed and begun to sit because she needed to getaway.

“You’re ice cold,” he said as he put his hand on her shoulder.

She slid away from his burning hot touch, out of the bed. “I’m fine.” 

Her whole body tense and shivering she walked over to the en-suite bathroom door. Only hot water would make this go away. Chase away the dream and the chill that felt like it was deep inside her bones. 

“Talking helps Higgy,” he said from the bed, thankfully not following her.

“Who do you talk to?” she asked harshly, not turning around. Because he had nightmares too, only he would wake up with a start and sometimes look so terrified and confused. But before long he’d either pull her close, hold her, make love to her or just stroke her arm or leave the bedroom. He never talked about them. Not with her at least.

“I used to talk to Nuzo.”

She paused to take that in, feeling retched because she hadn’t known that and probably she should have. 

“You can talk to me too, you know,” she offered, pulling the bathroom door open and escaping inside.

Even through the closed door, she heard him say, “I know.”

He was asleep when she felt warm enough to leave the bathroom. Unlike him, she didn’t have any trouble going back to sleep after a nightmare. But right then she didn’t want to sleep. In fact, what she wanted most of all was to watch him sleep. She did that some times. Just because she could. She was allowed and no one (to even Magnum himself) could tease her for it. 

She gently brushed his hair with her fingers as she whispered, “I love you.”

Then she let out a breath and laid down, curling close to him, letting the heath of his body sooth her further. She thought maybe, one day, after a nightmare she’d wake him up. Want him hold her. Let the warmth of him, just him, wash away the nightmares. 

One day.

* * *

**Magnum's Nightmare**

**(** AKA **Orignal Chapter 2** AKA the **Super Angsty Orignal Ending)**

* * *

“You’re being reckless,” he told her as he caught up with her. She’d run after their suspect, who was armed and dangerous, like a bat out of hell.

She drew in a deep breath. “I’m not. You’re just slow, now let’s go.”

She hurried after the guy, gun in hand. No ring still though. He felt the box, heavier than it should have been in his pocket.

They needed to talk about things. About how things had changed since the passing-out incident. She needed to understand that she couldn’t run away from dealing with it.

Or into danger.

Two shots rang out.

* * *

“I’m fine,” she told him with that _“it’s not a big deal_ ” tone she’d started using too often, as the nurse bandaged her side. “It’s just a graze.” 

“Higgy-”

“Just leave me alone Magnum.”

* * *

“I can’t do this anymore Juliet,” he told her in the car. “You run right into danger like there is no tomorrow.”

He winced at that as soon as the words were out.

“Probably there isn’t. Not for me.” She clipped her seatbelt in. “Probably-”

“No.” He stuck his hand into his pant pocket and tossed the box at her. She caught it, a reflect that made her vice because of her wound. “I had that for two months. I keep trying to find the right time. But...”

She opened the box and stared at it. And he looked at her rather than the road, even though he knew that wasn’t very safe, he couldn’t help it.

“Magnum is this?-you know I can’t.” She closed the box. “I’m not going to do that to you.”

“What? Marry me? Good, because the way you’re acting I don’t want to marry you either.”

“The way I’m acting?” She sounded offended.

“Like you have a death wish!” he almost yelled at her. “Like I’m the enemy.”

“So you’re throwing a ring at me but you’re not asking me to marry you?” she said humorlessly, fingering the box. 

“I’m not,” he said, between clenched teeth.

“Too bad,” she said gently, handing the box back to him. “I would have said yes.”

He was suddenly speechless.

* * *

“You can’t tell people we’re getting married,” she told him as they sat down in the restaurant. But she was smiling. “You never asked me.”

“Yet you said yes,” he told her cheerfully.

“Well, that was clearly a momentary lapse of judgment,” she said as the waiter gave them their menus.

“Of course. That’s a lovely ring you’re wearing,” he said and she twisted her hand so the gold band with the three sparkling diamonds sat. 

“I couldn’t not wear it when you spent so much of our money on it,” she said playfully.

“Our money huh?”

She titled her head, suddenly seeming to have realized something. “Not our money.”

“No.”

“Magnum.” She paused. “How did you afford this ring? You didn’t take it from the company account.”

He just smiled at her.

“Tell me!”

“Is this going to be another one of those _how did you know I was MI6_ things?” he asked, kind of hoping it would be. Only the answers was as unimpressive as Robin telling him about Higgins past. He’d just saved for it. 

At first, he hadn’t been sure what he was saving for, he’d just made an account called Higgins. First, he’d thought it was because maybe he felt a little bad not giving her anything for helping him all the time. Then, when he realized he was going to marry her, he’d understood that money had been for her engagement ring all along.

* * *

“You still won’t tell me?” she asked as she took a bit of cake and then made a face. “Did you do a job without me?”

“Nope,” he told her, amused she kept bringing up the ring.

“I know you didn’t save for it!” she said and he managed not to smile.

“Ummm,” said Bambi cake girl. For a girl with a job that involved being around cakes and people about to be married all day Bambie sure was somber and bored-looking. She’d been sighing since he and Juliet entered like they just interrupted something much more important. 

“Maybe we should just elope,” Juliet muttered after Bambi left (after yet another piece of cake was put in front of them). “This is exhausting.“

“Are you kidding?” he said as he grabbed the plate. “This is the best thing we’ve done so far.”

“Yes, well, I was full three cakes ago and we still have four more to go,” she complained as he held out a fork of cake for her. 

She took a bite of it and actually smiled.

“This one is coffee-flavored,” he told her even though as she was tasting it, it was rather redundant. “You like it.” 

“That one was rather pleasant,” she said but she couldn’t hide -at least not from him - that she was enjoying this one.

“Bambi!” he called for the cake girl. “We’ve made up our mind-”

Juliet kicked him. 

“What?”

“We still have four more to go,” she told him annoyance clear on her face.

“I thought you wanted to leave?” he asked, honestly the most confused he’d been the whole week.

“Well you thought wrong,” she told him primly.

He grinned and shook his head. “You have got to be the most confusing person I’ve ever met.”

That seemed to amuse her. “Yet you decided to marry me.“

“Is it too late to take that back?” he joked.

This time she was not amused. 

* * *

“It was just one time,” he told her as they put the car into park. “You cannot freak out and think you’re going to lose your memories again. Okay?”

“I’m not upset because I forgot the keys,” she said with a sigh as they got out. “I’m upset because we lost Petrova.”

“You sure,” he asked, scanning the dark parking lot.

“I’m sure.” She smiled. “I done running into danger. I realized when you said you didn’t want to marry me anymore, what I wanted, was to marry you. Funny because I’d been doing my very best to push you away.”

“Well as long as you don't start running into hails of bullets again.” He managed to not make a face at the memory. He wasn’t quite over that. She’d been reckless. She’d been pushing him away. Even though he kind of understood why it still hurt. 

“I wasn’t-” 

A shot rang out, they both ducked.

Petrova! He was still there.

Magnum and Higgins both looked up to where their Russian arm’s dealer was hiding out. Second floor.

“I’ll go around back.”

* * *

“Higgins!” He cried when he saw she was on the ground. “Juliet!”

Totally forgetting about chasing Petrova he threw himself down next to her body.

There was blood all on the left-right of her pale top. Growing larger with each second.

“Hey,” she managed. “Did you get him?”

“No,” he said as he pressed a hand to the wound, feeling hot stickiness coat them immediately.

“Don’t talk,” he told her as he reached for his phone.

“Mag-mag” She put her hand over the one clutching the phone. “Tell-”

“911, how may I direct-” 

He didn’t let the operator finish just asked, demanded, begged for an ambulance.

“Will you, tell-me,” Juliet whispered, then coughed up blood. “How you afforded the ring?”

He made himself smile smugly as he held her to him, feeling her blood soaking through not only her clothes but his. “I robbed a bank.”

A ghost of a smile on her lips.”You-you-didn’t.” She closed her eyes.

“Hey hey,” he said, shaking her a little, needing to keep her conscious. “Juliet.”

“Come on,” she whispered. “You can tell me. We both know how this ends.”

“No,” he told her as if saying the word would make the most likely outcome unlikely.

“I love you. I neve-never say it. But I do,” she panted. “Now, I’d like to know...” She looked at her hand, which she’d put on top of his bloody one. Amazingly the ring was clean, sparkling even in the low light.

He cradled her closer to him. “It was after the case with Mittens the cat. You remember Mittens the cat?”

She nodded, just a tiny gesture, but it meant she was still there, hanging on. Even with as much blood as she was losing and how he could hear the change in her breathing, becoming shallower and shallower, she was still alive.

She was strong. She’d live. She had to live.

“I opened an account then, named it _Higgins_ and put a little in after every case.” He swallowed, remembering back then. How amused he’d been by her then. He’d enjoyed her company far more than he should have. She’d been so real. Nothing fake about her. “Knew I was gonna marry you right then and there.”

“You didn't,” she protested in a weak voice, eyes still closed. 

“I did. I’ll show you the date on the account once we get home,” he whispered.

She shook her head. Or more like moved her chin a few fractions. He knew her well enough he knew she wasn't buying it.

“You’re right. I didn’t know. Not when I named that account _Higgins_. But I knew you were going to be important. I knew that right from the start. And the more I learned about you, the more I understood you. The more I was amazed by you. You are the strongest person I know. No matter what the world throws at you, you survive.”

She didn’t move. But he kept talking.

“I used to think I was strong too,” he told her, “ I used to think I could survive everything too. SEAL training, Afghanistan, the POW camp, Hannah, Nuzo. But then there was _you_.”

“And now I don’t know.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “I don’t think I can lose you.”

“I know I don’t want to do this without you. Okay? I don’t think I even can anymore. _Please._ Please survive.“

Only, he knew, there was no amount of begging that could change things. Wishes didn’t heal bullet wounds or collapsing lungs. They couldn’t put breath back in either.

He looked at her, one last time, but realized she wasn’t there. Her face was still hers but it was too still; too pale. The spark that made Juliet Higgins Juliet Higgins, was gone.

She was dead.

* * *

There were seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. Each one so long, yet flying past. He shot Petrova on a beach in Brazil. The man had been unarmed but that hadn’t mattered.

Afterward, he found a certain sort of irony in it. He’d done the same thing he’d talked Juliet out of with Viper.

For a while, Petrova’s death helped the time feel a little less strange. For a little while after it, days felt like days instead of months.

But just for a little bit.

And in the end, everything passed in a blur, too quick, too slow and too empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I couldn't let this be the real end but I feel it kinda makes a few things in the earlier chapters make more sense. 
> 
> So remember this was JUST Magnum's NIGHTMARE! Not the real ending! The real ending is HEA with Blue, okay?


End file.
